A Fork in the Road... July 4th Special

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” This is a great Yogi Berra quote. While this may not make sense it does in the sense that often in life we are handed an ultimatum. And when it’s time to make that decision we may not always be ready or sure of it but we make it anyway. We always have a choice and the path that that choice leads us down is always the right one even if we don’t know it or it doesn’t seem like it at the time. I had a choice a little over two years ago. When my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me I could have chose the easy way but I knew that in the end I wouldn’t have been fixing the problems; only avoiding them. The easy way would have been to drown myself in alcohol and put the blame on her but I would have just made myself unhappy even more than I was. I was sad that it ended. But I chose the hard way. I chose to do some serious self evaluation and improvement, and while this process is not really finite, I just never did it before. I knew that I had to work on myself and improve in the areas that may have caused me to have driven her away. I’m not saying I put the whole blame on myself but just that after I did some self evaluation it upset me that I let certain things that were under my control happen.

Pretty much my health/weight and drinking were what I think was the direct cause of these problems. These things lead to other deficiencies even more than physically such as my self esteem and confidence which also lead to a lack of awareness of her feelings at times. I would say that I’m not a mean person but this lack of awareness made me feel like I was looking back. Anyway I chose to become a healthier, happier more content version of myself. While being with her helped me control my drinking habit, I still did indulge frequently although I was really kidding myself saying it was getting better. I was an overweight, stressed out, balding 24 year old with a beer gut. There’s no denying it that the last 7 years of drinking since late high school and college binging caught up to me. Not to mention the over eating and just generally eating everything in sight probably didn’t help. That’s not fair to someone you’re seeing and certainly not fair to yourself. At least that’s how I see it. Instead of forgetting her through the comfort of someone else I chose to remember where we went wrong and work on what I could control so that the next person I’m with is getting the best version of myself that I can be. And this doesn’t just go for my next girlfriend (wherever she may be) this is for my family’s sake as well because these insufficiencies started creeping in between us too.

For the most part over the last  two years, I have only had a few drinks total. The most being for my cousin’s bachelor party/wedding and before that was about 8 months prior. I’m not perfect by any means but the results I’ve seen from focusing on eating healthier, working out like crazy and going cold turkey with the booze are just too good to not pursue each and every day. It’s not just a fad like a lot of people think where they just will come to some finite event where they become healthy and can then continue with their bad habits off into the sunset. It’s a lifestyle change; one that I used to mock and misunderstand as I hid behind a bottle and would only end up mocking myself in reality. In a weird way it was like alcohol was a hobby of mine. A detrimental and self destructive hobby that leads to addiction and various other problems but I’m just happy that I caught myself before I potentially spiraled further down a path that I didn’t want too, and that’s what I did. I chose my path on my own terms. And this being Independence Day Weekend and fireworks going off as I’m writing, that to me is freedom. Living life on your own terms. Always pushing yourself to do great things and become better than you were yesterday as well as enjoying the moment you’re currently in no matter the circumstances. Those are things I never understood as I spent most of my nights under an inebriated spell leading my days to be spent nursing a hangover out of touch with reality.

 I was never really enjoying things. I never enjoyed that catch in the backyard with my brother. Or how about the family vacations where I was basically drunk the whole time and actually was too hungover on one day to leave the cruise ship we were on to see one of the ports it visited. There’s this drinking culture out there that makes you feel like you’re missing out if you don’t drink and I was part of it at one point. And especially when Fourth of July comes around if you aren’t knocking back Budweiser’s like it’s your national past time you get basically accused of being “un-American” to me that’s not what freedom is all about. The amount of newfound energy and enthusiasm I have towards this great life and world we’re fortunate enough to live in far outweighs the notion that I have to consume something that only fills you with a false sense of happiness leaving you more harmed than not in the end.

These past two years I have become so much more content with life and dealing with the circumstances that we are dealt. I started understanding my surroundings better and have become more in tune with my own self than I have ever been before. This past vacation for example I just felt so appreciative and savored every minute of it. I’m so fortunate just to be able to go on vacation as not many people are able too. And I see these other families walking around and they just seem so happy and enjoying life! It made me feel good that for once I was actually on this side of the world, seeing these beautiful girls from all over the world on this ship as a sober person helped me realize that this world is a great place if you make it. I wasn’t some mindless party animal any more. I have goals and values that I love striving for each day. I don’t even know what I’m saying but I guess my point is that choosing your own path can lead you to great destinations, even if you haven’t completely reached them yet. Choosing to not drink your savings and paycheck away that some people would be so lucky and gracious of having to help feed their families; that’s a choice I never used to make. But doing so can open doors for the future. I don’t mind the negativity from my personal choices anymore. I know that it’s the best thing for myself and quite frankly I enjoy the physical and mental results from making healthier choices and know that it was worth every bit of it. I’ve come along way and looking back on that, I never want to take the people who love and care for me for granted again; whether that be my family, friends or girlfriend; or myself for that matter.